Bitter Roots. Unfruitful Branches. (Toxicity of the Soul.)

It wasn’t until a few years ago when God exposed the heart of my issues. With His illuminating light, He showed me the internal branches (the toxic thoughts and emotions) that needed to be cut off and thrown into the fire. But His light kept shining, finding its way deeper and deeper until it reached the essence of my soul－the place where toxic roots had attached themselves to my belief system.

Not only was I bearing bad fruit, but I was consuming it as well. These fruits tainted my perception and beliefs, which affected my decision-making. So what caused these roots to spring up in the garden of my soul? Simple. The wrong seeds were planted and poor choices became my harvest. But the wrong choices of others added more roots: roots of bitterness. Whether it was intentional or not. However, there’s a greater enemy who’s always attacking my mind. He loves to deceive, confuse and discourage. 

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). 

The toxic fruit of my mind and heart cause me to act outside of God’s character at times. Like speaking the truth but without love. Lashing out because of fatigue or frustration. Or expressing my anger through cold glares. But it’s the hidden fruit that fuels my soul with the most toxicity. The fruit that makes me behave in ungodly ways, even though it’s concealed: anger, resentment, and jealousy.

It’s HARD to emulate God, especially when good is called evil and evil is called good. When the unfairness of this world pushes you around one too many times. Or when you’re hated without a cause. Not to mention, wanting to be vindicated (for all the wrongs that have been committed toward you). But God has called His children to walk by the Spirit. And for me, this is a constant struggle. My old man (my flesh) is always contending with the new me. Despite it all, we’re still called to love one another. No. Matter. What. Just because it seems impossible to do, doesn’t mean that it is:

Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible” (Matthew 19:26 NLT).

However, the roots of rejection, bitterness, and fear remain intact. Which is why the branches of these spiritual trees are still producing bad fruit: low self-esteem, low self-worth, anxiety, depression and loneliness. They’re also keeping me from unconditionally loving others the way God wants me to. Including myself. I’m so exhausted, frustrated, and ready for these unfruitful trees to be cut down. And their roots yanked out! 

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful (John 15:2).

The Gardener of our souls is the only One who can set us free from what is strangling the life out of us. And in order for His truth to flourish, we need to nourish our minds and hearts by reading, meditating, and applying His Word every day. So whatever toxic trees (the fruit and roots) you’re struggling to be free of, allow Him to pull them out along with pruning every branch that is not producing good fruit. Yes, it’s going to hurt. Yes, it’ll take time. And yes, it’ll require trust, patience and commitment. But it’ll be worth it. The inner pain and discomfort is an indicator that He’s working in you, removing all the negativity and oppression. And little by little, one day at a time, your soul will start to heal and blossom with His goodness. 

Note: We may have the same struggles. Or they may differ altogether.  Still, I understand what it feels like to live with invisible issues/wounds. And I want you to know that I’m at your side, going through the hardships and lessons of life. But I’ll also be celebrating every milestone and victory of healing, growth and freedom along the way. With you.

~Jannette

P.S. Click the link below if you’d like a FREE download (another snippet) from my first book: Transgression (temporarily titled: Ambrosial Acres).